How Strategy, Approach, and Form Work Together to Shape Family Culture
A simple model that helps parents bring more clarity, alignment and connection to everyday family life
To design anything well, whether it’s a brand, product, or family culture, three elements need to work together: strategy, approach, and form.
Strategy is the roadmap or blueprint (over time).
Approach is our way of working.
Form is what we put out into the world that others see and buy into.
In business, Strategy and Approach are often internal-facing. Although more brands today, are choosing to make their Approach visible, or curate a version that is external-facing, as part of their strategy.
To bring this to life, I’m going to briefly walk you through how I experienced Nespresso through this lens before deciding to buy. I have to admit I was slightly impulsive and not entirely rational when deciding to spend my money, but who is anyway?
Nespresso was created by Nestlé, a global food and drink company. Like any business, their goal is to sell more coffee.
Strategy: Create a premium coffee experience at home through an exclusive pod-and-machine system. Make it convenient and desirable to keep customers coming back.
Approach: As a customer, I do not know nor do I need to know what their interal processes. But I am guessing they follow some kind of iterative innovation process involving research, prototyping, testing, and refinement.
Form: Sleek machines, a variety of pod flavours, premium boutique stores, polished marketing, and seamless online ordering.
Most people make decisions based on their experience with the product or stories (Form). Businesses know this and design internal strategies and processes to ensure the form delivers what customers expect. Yes, there are many more layers involved in business design, but this broad view is the foundational lens everything else is built on.
When we apply the same lens to family life, it gives us a perspective that many of us overlook the importance of having a thoughtful strategy that brings us from intent to execution. In business, having a clear strategy is a given. At home, we might briefly discuss what we want for our family, like “we just want everyone to be happy”, but often stop at surface-level statements without digging deeper. We skip the deeper reflection without realising that we’re missing a clear foundation to guide how we live and make decisions together.
The Family version of Strategy-Approach-Form
There are a couple of important things to note when applying this at home.
When the focus is on connection, we have to prioritise Strategy and Approach over Form.
At home, what we say, how we react, how our kids behave (our Form) should NOT be seen as the output or something to measure success. These behaviours are clues and feedback that helps us adjust our Strategy and Approach. They also offer a starting point for conversations about how our values can show up in real life. With kids, what we see now does not define who they’ll become. Their brains are still developing, and their negative behaviour often reflects unmet needs, not their character.
With adults, our behaviour is shaped by past experiences and our environments, but we can change too. We’re not fixed objects. We’re evolving systems, always learning, growing and adapting. That said, not all behaviour is acceptable. Harmful or abusive words and actions, especially when persistent, require clear boundaries and often outside support. Seeing Form as feedback doesn’t mean we excuse harm. It invites us to respond thoughtfully and with care while prioritising safety and growth.
In neurodivergent families, how we show up might look different from typical families, an important reminder that what works for one family may not work for another, and that difference should be honoured and not compared.
So instead of judging Form as good or bad, treat it as a compass that guides our Strategy and Approach with empathy, reflection and care.Connection is a long-term outcome.
In business, time is money. At home, time is what we use to build relationships. Every interaction is a chance to learn, adjust, and reconnect. We may be working on short-term goals like getting kids to finish their homework or eat more vegetables, but we have to remember that the long-term outcome we seek is a connected relationship. If we fixate only on short-term goals, we risk eroding the relationships we hope to strengthen.
Many families today function with a big focus on form. They notice a negative behaviour, and they take actions to fix it. And their approach typically comes from their past experience or tips and tricks picked up from social media. While it’s good that there is action, but when we start to act without a roadmap, we may risk sending them the message that there is something wrong with them.
So the next time when we notice questionable behaviour in our family, we can use this lens to help us focus on changing the environment instead of the person’s behaviour. So we move from “How can I fix this behaviour in this person?” to “How Might We support this person so they want to do more of this instead?”. When we practice this mental shift, we move from trying to control other people’s behaviour to getting curious about the behaviour and encourage us to think of more ways to encourage positive behaviour. Over time, you’ll find yourself less fixated on the form of others, when you know your Strategy and Approach are generally in alignment.
In short, at home, we are nurturing people in progress, including ourselves. While the same framework may apply, the priorities are different. In business, we optimise for efficiency and results. At home, we design for human well-being and lasting connection. This shift in focus and perspective is not only necessary, it is what makes the process truly meaningful.
How This Might Look Like at Home
Here is an example of how it might look like when strategy-approach-form is working together at home.
Strategy: We value emotional resilience. We want our kids to express their feelings, understand them, and learn to handle emotional ups and downs with empathy and confidence.
Approach: We model emotional regulation by naming our feelings and actions (“I’m frustrated, I need a moment and I’ll be back”), calling time-outs during heated moments, and apologising when we lose our cool. We adjust our tone and strategies based on what works for each child.
Form: Our kids are learning to name their emotions instead of lashing out. We’ve moved from “You made me angry” to “I’m angry about what happened.” Big feelings still happen, but the way we respond is changing. Repair is a regular part of life. We are not perfect, but we are in it together.
Alignment: Our approach reflects our values. We have researched, thought about our routines, our language, and how we handle common situations. We are selective of scripts and techniques that are available out there and make sure they are adapted to fit our family.
Consistency: We try to respond with calm rather than react with anger. We stay aware of how we show up, and we course-correct when needed.
Coherence: Life with kids is unpredictable. But our actions increasingly reflect the values we say we care about. Our kids don’t just hear that empathy matters, they feel it too.
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